urge of tears flowing..

though i would play ard, joke ard, it doesnt mean that i am not affected by wad happened.

many emotional attacks happened lately.

boulderactive is probably the striker to all the pain and fiery..
french sch and rock on difficulty comps have left a scar in me. making me hesistant to join difficulty comps. in both comps, i slipped for no reason..
i've overestimated myself..
had a disappointing performace during intermediate finals. though pp ard consoled and said"its ok, u've just climbed for less than a yr and u're alrdy in finals!" but to me, i feel i could do better than that. and thats why i feel very down.
but i will not be beaten..

parents of mine arent supportive of my climbing all along but i defied them.
i continued to climb.. leaving home early, and reaching home late, sometimes even later than my curfew. tt's when i got all my scolding..
but now, my mum dun seem to care. i think it hurts more than anything.
wad she said is true. i've treated my house too much like a hotel. where i return for my rest.
i know i'm wrong and am trying to change..

my results suck like shit.
gonna study harder for next sem
siaec scholarship has yet to reply. making me very worried

sorry for leaving mm so suddenly, leaving things to my partner just like tt. am selfish.

have nv weeped so much in my life..not only my eyes teared, my heart too..
isnt as strong as i tot i could be..
am lonely and confused. lost my sense of direction..
sometimes, i just hope thr's someone special thr just for me. but in reality, its not gonna happen.. and i can only stay strong..

Fly. because i want to.
7:03 AM